Cats and Dogs…

16 Jul

As I’ve already mentioned, Holly was originally to be named Harriet,  given that I had assumed if I ever got around to actually getting my cat he would be a boy and he would be called Harry.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t specifically want a male cat – in fact I didn’t know if I wanted a cat at all – I guess I just assumed that all cats were male.  I’ve honestly never met a “female” cat. 

Now dogs – Dogs are obviously girls.  They bounce around so full of energy, they’re a little bit ditzy and ever so eager to please.  If a dog behaves badly and you tell them off or ignore them, they’re genuinely hurt, and will follow you around trying to apologise.  They crave any little bit of attention from those they love so desperately that they will literally roll over onto their backs with their legs in the air just to get their tummies scratched.  This behaviour reminds me somewhat of several of my female (human) friends.

However, cats are definitely male.  Clever and sneaky, walking around with their heads held high and their tails swishing even when they’ve just done something inexcusable, refusing to acknowledge that they could ever be in the wrong.  Your favourite skirt got pulled?  Don’t wear it within jumping distance of me then.  Pot plant on the floor and soil all over your new rug?  Don’t look at me, I was busy sleeping on the couch, where I will now insist on staying until you’ve cleaned that mess up.  Have you ever tried to discipline a cat?  Well, quite simply, you can’t.  No amount of shouting, nose-tapping or water flicking will work.  Try ignoring your cat – he’s just going to ignore you right back, and what’s more he will likely take the opportunity of your back being turned to wreak devastation somewhere else in your home when you’re not looking.

Like the original caveman they’re pretty focused on the important things in life – they dedicate their entire time on earth to sleeping, eating and hunting.  They don’t want to go out for walks in the woods, they don’t care about new clothes (God help you if you ever try to dress them up) and they really don’t like showing love – Just let them go hunting, allow them to sleep when they want and most importantly don’t forget to feed them.  In return for this, if they are in a good mood, they might show you a little affection – but only at a time which pleases them.  Interrupt their eating, sleeping or hunting and you can expect to have your head bitten off.

Now ladies – in place of the word “hunting” in that last paragraph, insert one of the following – Watching football / Drinking with my Mates / Playing Call of Duty.  Remind you of anyone??

So imagine my surprise when picking a kitten to find that they also come in the female variety.  Now, I’m not so stupid that I don’t understand basic biology, but I did find this quite interesting.  If I bought a female cat – and she had female characteristics – would she in fact be, well…  a Dog? 

It seems not.  Sure, my kitten has some “girly” habits.  Holly is constantly cleaning and preening herself, and she’s a fussy eater who loves expensive treats.  She demands privacy in the bathroom and as we already know she likes the toilet seat left down.  There are times when she wants my affection but there are also strict rules to this – she will stay exactly where she is and cry until I come and see what’s wrong then give her a little cuddle – there’s no way she’s coming to me.  Overall, I’d say she’s a pretty typical cat.  

However there are a few things I’m learning from my new friend…  You see, despite being a crazy cat lady I do on occasion leave my apartment and venture into the big wide world.  Usually to the local cocktail bar.  Sweeping statement it may be, but the women I observe here seem to have lower self-esteem than the Men.  I don’t know why, but let’s face it, in situations like this women are usually the prey rather than the hunters.  If a woman has an issue (I don’t know what dress to wear tonight!?!), she will usually seek the opinions and approval of others around her (ooh wear the pink one, that looks lovely on you, you look really thin in that one…) before making her decision (wearing the pink dress and spending the rest of the evening feeling uncomfortable, then crying in the toilets after your fourth glass of wine because you think you look like a cross between Barbie and a cocktail sausage).  Men on the other hand seem to identify their problem (no beer in fridge), find their own solution (go to bar) and stick with it (stay until 2am, walk home, fall asleep with a half eaten kebab and / or next to a woman with low self esteem who you drunkenly mistook for a cocktail sausage).  There’s a born independence and confidence in men that women just don’t have – the same way you can never train a dog to behave like a cat.

Ladies, here’s a little experiment for you.  The next time you’re out, imagine you are your cat. Stalk into a crowded bar with your head held high and your tail swishing from side to side and immediately make eye contact with your prey.  Admittedly in my case this is usually the nearest barman promising a nice cold Mojito, but whatever you fancy girls…  You might just be surprised at the reaction you get.

If nothing else, I promise it will get you served more quickly at the bar! 


One Response to “Cats and Dogs…”

  1. mythreemoggies August 22, 2012 at 2:55 pm #

    Holly we are enjoying your blogs. Keep up the good work and show us more pictures so we can see you grow up xxx

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