Holly Behaving Badly…

15 Sep

I’m pretty sure Holly has entered her terrible toddler phase – albeit a little early, even in cat years… In short, she’s become a total nightmare.

About a month ago a friend of mine stayed over. She lives in London and we were both attending the wedding of a mutual friend so I offered her my couch for the night. The wedding was fabulous, much vodka was consumed and we returned home around 1am with tired eyes and sore feet. Holly, having returned from her stay at the Cat Hotel a few days earlier, was obviously not impressed with having been left to her own devices for a good 10 hours and was running circles around my apartment attacking inanimate objects and terrorising the plant pot. It was a hot night and, given Holly’s newly acquired climbing skills, the windows remained closed despite the fact that both my friend and I were still sweating after pulling some serious disco moves on the dancefloor at the wedding. I went to bed and my friend settled onto the couch, exhausted from our celebrations… Holly however had other ideas.

Now, it has to be said that my friend is one of the most polite, beautiful, well spoken girls you will ever meet – a true lady. So imagine my surprise when I woke up around 2 hours later to find my ladylike friend stood at the bottom of my bed, looking like the girl from The Exorcist, screaming “It’s like a f*cking oven in here and if you don’t get that f*cking cat out of my f*cking face I swear to God I will f*cking kill you both!!”. It seems that Holly thought our house guest was in fact a new toy for her to play with and had spent a couple of hours alternating between attacking my friend’s feet and jumping on her head from the nearby coffee table.

Fast forward a few weeks later – another friend staying. This time a colleague from work, who was staying over in order to make an early meeting nearby the following morning. Thinking I was being smart I offered my friend my bed and took the couch myself, expecting that Holly would spend the evening harassing me rather than interrupting the sleep of my friend. Wrong. I woke at 5am to the sound of my friend crying, having had zero sleep due to a relentless attack by flying fur-ball Holly, who had spent several hours climbing up the side of the wardrobe, jumping on to my friend’s head, running away and repeating the exercise five minutes later. Despite the use of some industrial strength concealer, the poor girl went off to her meeting looking like death.

Shortly after that, Holly learned to jump. I remember with delight the first time my little fur ball learned to climb onto the couch on her own – Clever girl, so cute! What I didn’t anticipate was the first time she learned to jump any great height it would be in an attempt to reach my head. There I was, stood in the kitchen one warm evening doing the washing up, listening to the TV in the background and lost in my own thoughts when suddenly – BAM!! – searing pain struck my shoulder blades. I have to say it took me about 3 seconds to realise that there was in fact a kitten attached to my back, her claws deeply embedded into my skin. I think we were both somewhat shocked, me by the indescribable pain and her by the fact she was now five feet off the ground with nowhere to go. Doing the only thing I could think of, I slowly bent down until I was on all fours and crawled across the kitchen, into the living room with the cat still attached to my back. Several of my neighbours who were sat out on their balconies, enjoying the last of the summer warmth were treated to the sight of what appeared to be a grown woman giving a small cat a piggy-back.

The jumping attacks continued, always when I was least expecting it and certainly not wearing enough clothing to prevent my back now looking like I have an isolated case of measles. In fact I now have that many scratches and scars on my arms and shoulders that someone asked me last week, quite seriously, if I had sought any professional help for my self harming problem. The jumping became a new game and it wasn’t long before Holly was able to reach what had previously been my “safe places” – the area around the kitchen sink, the worktops next to the oven, the kitchen table – suddenly these unknown lands were well within the reach of super kitten and her amazing spring-legs.

Once she realised she could make her way onto the worktops unassisted by the ladder that is my back, it was only a matter of minutes before she discovere the kitchen sink, where she now spends hours attempting to extract the plug and turn the taps on. I always thought cats were scared of water – not this one. Turn the tap on and start doing the washing up and within seconds she’s there playing in her new paddling pool. Clean the sink after I’ve finished and within minutes she’s fast asleep in it.


I didn’t think that Holly would change my life. Needless to say, I now have two good friends who won’t be visiting me anytime soon. The washing up has to be done before I sit down to eat in case Holly develops a new habit of licking the pans, and the sink is thoroughly cleaned at least three times a day. The worktops have to be cleared of mail, phone chargers, food and any general stuff which could double as inappropriate toys for a curious kitten. I spend hours wiping away the paw prints which have appeared on every surface, only for them to magically re-appear the next morning.

I anticipated that the Crazy Cat Lady lifestyle would involve some interesting outfit choices, but I never expected it to turn me into a bloody domestic goddess!!


6 Responses to “Holly Behaving Badly…”

  1. Oldcat September 15, 2012 at 10:13 pm #

    Kittens are teething at about this age so you will have extra biting action. Plus they are at a high energy stage without the knowledge that some of this stuff hurts. Their usual playmates have a thick fur coat to absorb the bites and claws.

    Good luck!

    • Holly Cat September 24, 2012 at 2:31 am #

      Sounds like I need to invest in a (faux) fur coat – but some oven gloves will have to do for now!!

  2. tabbycatnbears September 23, 2012 at 11:17 pm #

    Yup.. I know oh so well.. got a kick out of your stories ….my ‘lovely little’ is now climbing up the security screen door to sit on the top of the front door. After having a talk with her she finally caught on that jumping or hanging on my back is not the thing to do.. especially now that shes 20 lbs and only 1.5 yrs old.

    • Holly Cat September 24, 2012 at 2:29 am #

      Ouch – I bet that hurts!! Thankfully now that she can jump high enough to reach the sink, Holly has stopped using me as a ladder.

  3. CATachresis September 25, 2012 at 9:35 pm #

    Hiya I followed you back from my blog and am thinking you are the Buddhakat lady? I am just creased up with laughter here at that sweet kitty ruining your social life and turning you into a colander to boot! BTW I seem to have lost my subscription to Buddhakat? 😦

    • Holly Cat September 25, 2012 at 10:10 pm #

      Hi! Sorry, I’m not Buddahkat… But I’m glad you liked Holly’s blog!

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